Unauthorized Report Card Comments

These are actual comments made on student’s report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded, but their comments are funny.

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a “full six pack” but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. The child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter’s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is not coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
11. It is impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out a million others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.